I have been all over the map with my journey through life so far, I have re-inveted myself 20 times over sometimes for the better, sometimes not so much and I cannot remotely say that I am any where near being done evolving. I have meal planned to the last macro, I have tracked every calorie that crossed my lips, I have worked out 7 days a week and sometimes doubles! (eek!), I have pushed myself to run everyday for 5 km, I have done so much in the name of fitness and health and can’t even begin to list it all.
Did any of it work? No, not really. Did any of it make me happy. Not at all. Was it because I wasn’t trying hard enough or because I needed to slash my calories more, or because I needed to start doing double workouts more often, or because I needed to reduce my carbs/fat/*Insert macronutrient here*. No. But I tried all of that regardless.
Our society has become SO obsessed with making ourselves uncomfortable to gain something later on. We think we need to CREATE suffering (even on small levels) in order to improve ourselves. Who ever came up with that idea was woefully misguided at the least.
Don’t get me wrong I used all the hashtags #NeverMissAMonday #StrongIsTheNewSexy #GiveItEverythingYouGotThenALittleBitMore etc, I thought they where motivating, I thought they would inspire myself and others to be their best.
Now I am starting to see the flaws in the system… Why the hell can’t I miss a Monday if I feel like it? Why does how I look make me sexy or not? Why should I give the workout all I’ve got when I have a life to live outside of the gym?
Granted if you look at anything close enough you will find something wrong with it, but for me I have just realized that these mantras I was basing my life on where never helping me but instead shaming me if I didn’t follow one of them one time, God forbid for a week.
I restricted everything in my life in the name of health and strength, not realizing that mentality would just make me feel miserable in the end, but I always thought that it would get easier and that I would just be happy if I could get that scale to read the number I wanted. Because I thought my self worth would increase the more that number decreased.
The saddest part is that I don’t even have it the worst, so many people bring themselves into the deep dark places in life just to make their outside appearance match that of what society has made them think is the « norm ».
Does this rant mean I am going to stop working out, eat all the crap I want and walk around with unbrushed hair everywhere cause society can suck it? No, of course not.
I still want to be strong, fit and have balance and stamina well into old age. Does that mean I am going to workout for hours everyday and push myself to within an inch of life in every workout. Hell No! Will I be doing workouts I enjoy, that feel good for my body and that strengthen my weaknesses? Hell Yessss!
I want to be healthy and give my body what it wants. Does that mean using scales, measuring cups, containers, slashing calories and tracking macros? Never again! Does it mean I will choose whole, natural foods that make me feel good, eat to satiety every meal and give my body ample time to digest and go through it’s natural processes between meals? Yes, yes, a million times yes!
I have tried what the fitness industry and society have been forcing down my throat and it didn’t work and likely did some metabolic damage to boot. Now I am going to do what my body has been asking for all along. I am going to stop raging a war against my body and start to embrace it, love it and thank it for putting up with my crap for so long!
Okay, rant over! 😉
I thought about deleting the old posts I have about fitness and nutrition etc, anything that didn’t align with my new way of thinking. But You can’t erase the past, and for better or worse that is the path that got me to where I am today.